Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A Day in the Afterlife

A Day in the Afterlife
Today on A Day in the Afterlife, the spirit world's most popular reality show, we'll meet Brad, who works as a teller at the virtue vault.

(A bank. Brad waves the customer at the front of the queue up to complete a transaction.)

Brad: What can I do for you?

Customer: I'd like to deposit this money.

Brad: (Smiling) You must be new! This is a virtue vault. Virtues are the only thing we treasure in the afterlife.

Customer: You don't want my money?

Brad: I'm afraid not. Do you have any virtues?

Customer: Let me see... I guess I never broke the law.

Brad: Obedience! Yes, that will do. Just reach into your heart and we'll store it safely away for you. (The customer complies and Brad takes the invisible prize from him. Without his obedience, the customer seizes Brad by the throat.)

Customer: Gimme everything you got in your till!

Brad: All I have is this compassion!

Customer: Hand it over! NOW! (Brad pulls the compassion out of his drawer and passes it over the counter. As soon as he touches it, the customer is overcome by pity for his victim.) Are you all right? Did I hurt you?

Brad: I just pushed a button to signal the police. You're going to jail.

Customer: But I'm new to this afterlife!

Brad: (Dispassionately) Tell it to the judge.
  
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

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